I Love You More

Thoughts while I’m smack dab in the middle of figuring out my relationship with the internet…. enjoy. 🙂

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In the middle of a crazy and mundane day, you’re there.
When my small world seems meager, you’re there.
Shimmering off the screen, you beckon me to take a sip.
Just a sip.
A sip of ten minutes to scroll the page and see what’s new.
But I know you.
And I know me.
It’s never just a sip.

A sip becomes a gulp becomes a drowning.
Drowning my attention, my creativity, my adoration.
Even when I’m not with you, you steal my heart away.
But I can’t let you steal anymore.

I have two little girls, four little eyes, locked on me.
Waiting for me, aching for me.
Let me drown in them.

When it’s all said and done, I won’t wish I had spent more time online.
I’ll wish I had spent more time on them.
My treasures.

And He is waiting, too.
Longing to fill the longing.
Longing to make my small world glorious.

So I say “I love you more” and I shut off the screen.
Glory

Because Time Is So Very Precious

Precious
Because time is so very precious, I say no when I used to say yes.

Because time is so very precious, my window sills are the dustiest.

Because time is so very precious, we sit and watch the sun set.

Because time is so very precious, we eat the store-bought bread and don’t fret.

Because time is so very precious, I hold her when she asks. Even though her gangly legs dangle down.

Because time is so precious, I trace the outline of her eyelashes brown.

And pause.
And smile.
And breathe.
And beg.
Beg for time to slow.
Because time is so very precious, and I don’t want to let go.

Just One More Minute

Just One More Minute
One time you were my favorite.
I pasted pictures of you all around my office,
Feeling squishy inside every time I’d catch sight of you.

I’d ache to talk with you just one more minute,
Hating the lady who’d cut in and say one more minute and the call would be cut.

I thought a year would never end,
And then you were home.

Almost a decade shot by.
And here we are.
Sitting across the dinner table.

It’s hard to hear you because
The toddler is singing,
The baby is crying,
And living a story is louder than I thought it’d be.

But I still love you.
You’re still my favorite.
And I still wish we could talk just one more minute.

A Mother’s Love

Mother's Love

A spouse’s love is the Most Sacred of loves, going so far as to be the picture of Christ’s love for us. But a mother’s love is the Most Natural of loves, flowing freely. Aboundingly. Intrinsically. To mother is to love. You can’t separate the two. How do I know this? Because I know my mother’s love…and because I am now a mother.

I know things get broken in our world- including hearts, homes, and relationships.
Not everyone knows a mother’s love. 
I know that mothers get tired and cross and lost and yell.
Not every mother feels like they are good at loving. 

But the truth is that God can heal broken mothers.
And God can heal through broken mothers.
In a line where hurt mothers hurt mothers, running through the generations, God can change the course and set mothers free. Free to be His kind of mothers.
How do I know this? Because I’ve seen God do it in my mother… and because I’ve seen Him do it in me.

And that’s why I can fully say, “Mom, you are like home to me.” When we’re laughing, chatting, cooking, shopping, Call-the-Midwife-marathoning, commiserating, living– I feel at home when I’m with you.

For nine months you were my residence, but you will always be like home.
I thank God for this great gift.
I love you. 🙂

My Mom and Me

Under the Covers


Our walk with the Lord looks different in each season. Sometimes it’s an early morning run, praying with each pounding of the pavement; sometimes it’s a journal and coffee date; and sometimes it’s snuggling in bed.

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Just want to snuggle with You under the covers, where thoughts are so clear and Your voice is so loud. If I get up, I know my mind will go racing. I’ll lose the stillness of this moment.

You see, there are dishes to do, a checkbook to balance, and a baby to chase. But here, nestled in my nest of blankets, there’s only You and me.

In the quiet, You heal my heart. Your love washes every hurt, listens to every worry, and breathes new life again.

How good You are to me.