Swallow

Swallow

“For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” (New International Version, 2 Corinthians 5:4)

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I see You when I shut my eyes. Life most clear with eyes closed tight.

How often this world steals my gaze, steals my heart.
Like dominoes following, worries tumble down.
Burdens like boulders.
Crushing me.

When all I need is You.

The sorrow, the sadness, the haze-

of busy,
empty,
not enough

of ache,
fear,
all alone

When all I need is You.

You are my King.
You are my Hero.
You are the One who saves the day.
My very food and drink.

I’m starving for You, Jesus.

All I need is You.

Swallow me as I drink deep.

High Time

TreIt’s high time I said hello.

Sorry it’s been so long. Life has been……the same…always changing…dearly beloved…the hardest thing ever. The last few months have given me days filled with laughing babies, constant responsibilities, spiritual battles I never thought I’d face, and saplings of hope. Such a juxtaposition it’s been. But isn’t that life?

I’d like to write more. I am most myself when I write, processing my thoughts, documenting lessons learned, sharing unsteady-on-their-feet dreams.

So I’ll start today.

The thought:

I love that God created a world of order. I love the rhythm of 24 hours, the coming and going and coming again of seasons, the ebb and flow of life. But most of all, I love that life always comes back to Him. He’s there, in my heart. I can feel His love most when I close my eyes and don’t say a single thing.

The lesson:

When my eyes are thus closed, He’s smiling at me. For a long, long time I thought He was scowling. Telling me I always ruined everything. But I am starting to think differently. In part, because of a great group of friends. They seem to believe that God loves me. And if they believe that, perhaps it can be true. Even now, even then, even always.

The dream:

Edged with England and tea and quiet writing rooms and cellos and a warmth of spirit, my dreams are always cozy. But I am also starting to dream about making a difference- through those very comforts. To cheer a weary soul with a chat and cup of tea, to bring healing to a heart through literature and music- in a way that another lecture cannot do, to help set others free through the bedrock of God’s fidelity.

And you, how have you been, friends? I miss you.

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I Love You More

Thoughts while I’m smack dab in the middle of figuring out my relationship with the internet…. enjoy. 🙂

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In the middle of a crazy and mundane day, you’re there.
When my small world seems meager, you’re there.
Shimmering off the screen, you beckon me to take a sip.
Just a sip.
A sip of ten minutes to scroll the page and see what’s new.
But I know you.
And I know me.
It’s never just a sip.

A sip becomes a gulp becomes a drowning.
Drowning my attention, my creativity, my adoration.
Even when I’m not with you, you steal my heart away.
But I can’t let you steal anymore.

I have two little girls, four little eyes, locked on me.
Waiting for me, aching for me.
Let me drown in them.

When it’s all said and done, I won’t wish I had spent more time online.
I’ll wish I had spent more time on them.
My treasures.

And He is waiting, too.
Longing to fill the longing.
Longing to make my small world glorious.

So I say “I love you more” and I shut off the screen.
Glory

Because Time Is So Very Precious

Precious
Because time is so very precious, I say no when I used to say yes.

Because time is so very precious, my window sills are the dustiest.

Because time is so very precious, we sit and watch the sun set.

Because time is so very precious, we eat the store-bought bread and don’t fret.

Because time is so very precious, I hold her when she asks. Even though her gangly legs dangle down.

Because time is so precious, I trace the outline of her eyelashes brown.

And pause.
And smile.
And breathe.
And beg.
Beg for time to slow.
Because time is so very precious, and I don’t want to let go.

Bankable

Bankable
You are bankable, God.
When the places in me are gaping holes-
Bottomless pits of deficiency-
You are the Life I need.

When I am
…Crippled inside
…Have the self-esteem of dust
…”Beyond repair”
I rejoice.

Because that’s when I can make a full withdrawal from Your account-
The bankable King of creation,
The bankable King of my heart.

You infuse me with Your riches,
Drown me in Your wealth (Your Love).
My heart can beat again.
I’ll always be with You.

You are bankable, My God.
And You never bounce a check.