Swallow

Swallow

“For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” (New International Version, 2 Corinthians 5:4)

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I see You when I shut my eyes. Life most clear with eyes closed tight.

How often this world steals my gaze, steals my heart.
Like dominoes following, worries tumble down.
Burdens like boulders.
Crushing me.

When all I need is You.

The sorrow, the sadness, the haze-

of busy,
empty,
not enough

of ache,
fear,
all alone

When all I need is You.

You are my King.
You are my Hero.
You are the One who saves the day.
My very food and drink.

I’m starving for You, Jesus.

All I need is You.

Swallow me as I drink deep.

High Time

TreIt’s high time I said hello.

Sorry it’s been so long. Life has been……the same…always changing…dearly beloved…the hardest thing ever. The last few months have given me days filled with laughing babies, constant responsibilities, spiritual battles I never thought I’d face, and saplings of hope. Such a juxtaposition it’s been. But isn’t that life?

I’d like to write more. I am most myself when I write, processing my thoughts, documenting lessons learned, sharing unsteady-on-their-feet dreams.

So I’ll start today.

The thought:

I love that God created a world of order. I love the rhythm of 24 hours, the coming and going and coming again of seasons, the ebb and flow of life. But most of all, I love that life always comes back to Him. He’s there, in my heart. I can feel His love most when I close my eyes and don’t say a single thing.

The lesson:

When my eyes are thus closed, He’s smiling at me. For a long, long time I thought He was scowling. Telling me I always ruined everything. But I am starting to think differently. In part, because of a great group of friends. They seem to believe that God loves me. And if they believe that, perhaps it can be true. Even now, even then, even always.

The dream:

Edged with England and tea and quiet writing rooms and cellos and a warmth of spirit, my dreams are always cozy. But I am also starting to dream about making a difference- through those very comforts. To cheer a weary soul with a chat and cup of tea, to bring healing to a heart through literature and music- in a way that another lecture cannot do, to help set others free through the bedrock of God’s fidelity.

And you, how have you been, friends? I miss you.

e

I Love You More

Thoughts while I’m smack dab in the middle of figuring out my relationship with the internet…. enjoy. 🙂

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In the middle of a crazy and mundane day, you’re there.
When my small world seems meager, you’re there.
Shimmering off the screen, you beckon me to take a sip.
Just a sip.
A sip of ten minutes to scroll the page and see what’s new.
But I know you.
And I know me.
It’s never just a sip.

A sip becomes a gulp becomes a drowning.
Drowning my attention, my creativity, my adoration.
Even when I’m not with you, you steal my heart away.
But I can’t let you steal anymore.

I have two little girls, four little eyes, locked on me.
Waiting for me, aching for me.
Let me drown in them.

When it’s all said and done, I won’t wish I had spent more time online.
I’ll wish I had spent more time on them.
My treasures.

And He is waiting, too.
Longing to fill the longing.
Longing to make my small world glorious.

So I say “I love you more” and I shut off the screen.
Glory

Bankable

Bankable
You are bankable, God.
When the places in me are gaping holes-
Bottomless pits of deficiency-
You are the Life I need.

When I am
…Crippled inside
…Have the self-esteem of dust
…”Beyond repair”
I rejoice.

Because that’s when I can make a full withdrawal from Your account-
The bankable King of creation,
The bankable King of my heart.

You infuse me with Your riches,
Drown me in Your wealth (Your Love).
My heart can beat again.
I’ll always be with You.

You are bankable, My God.
And You never bounce a check.

Lately

Hello Friends.

It has been quite a while. 🙂

Between this toddler chasing (see Exhibit A)

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

and this baby birthing (see Exhibit B)

Exhibit B

Exhibit B

I haven’t had time to sleep. Yet alone write.

But I have missed you. Greatly.

All of this hullabaloo hasn’t dampened my love of words, of passion, of living a fixed-gaze life. Rather, my focus has been refined, further and further.

Lately?

I still love my golden-haired guy. He is my rock and sacred joy. I love laughing with him when all we want to do is yell because the toddler threw rice all over the floor again and the baby is crying forever.

I adore my exuberant toddler. She is so curious and so sweet and so joyful- she makes my heart sing.

I am swooningly in love with my new rosy, plump, delicious baby. She is as perfect as a babydoll.

I love my friends- and those who will one day be my friends. (Kindred spirits are hidden everywhere, you know.) In fact, I love them even more than ever in these whirlwind days of babies all around. They bring color and sanity and gladness to my days. I adore them.

I love life. There are so many wonderful things in this world. Sunshine on water, bird calls through my window, the joy of cleaning out clutter, the satisfaction of a good book, the rapture of a gorgeously-shot film, a strong body, hopeful plans. So much to partake.

The Beautiful Life

And I love Jesus. More than ever. More each moment. The last year has been hard and deep. At times almost, almost, too hard and too deep. But He has always been here. And He has made me strong. How? By constantly holding me up. Forever I am grateful, forever I am His.

So that’s where I’ve been.

I’d love to hear where you’ve been lately.

And I can’t wait to see where we’ll go next.

Until then.

E