Bankable

Bankable
You are bankable, God.
When the places in me are gaping holes-
Bottomless pits of deficiency-
You are the Life I need.

When I am
…Crippled inside
…Have the self-esteem of dust
…”Beyond repair”
I rejoice.

Because that’s when I can make a full withdrawal from Your account-
The bankable King of creation,
The bankable King of my heart.

You infuse me with Your riches,
Drown me in Your wealth (Your Love).
My heart can beat again.
I’ll always be with You.

You are bankable, My God.
And You never bounce a check.

Lately

Hello Friends.

It has been quite a while. ūüôā

Between this toddler chasing (see Exhibit A)

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

and this baby birthing (see Exhibit B)

Exhibit B

Exhibit B

I haven’t had time to sleep. Yet alone write.

But I have missed you. Greatly.

All of this hullabaloo hasn’t dampened my love of words, of passion, of living a fixed-gaze life. Rather, my focus has been refined, further and further.

Lately?

I still love my golden-haired guy. He is my rock and sacred joy. I love laughing with him when all we want to do is yell because the toddler threw rice all over the floor again and the baby is crying forever.

I adore my exuberant toddler. She is so curious and so sweet and so joyful- she makes my heart sing.

I am swooningly in love with my new rosy, plump, delicious baby. She is as perfect as a babydoll.

I love my friends- and those who will one day be my friends. (Kindred spirits are hidden everywhere, you know.) In fact, I love them even more than ever in these whirlwind days of babies all around. They bring color and sanity and gladness to my days. I adore them.

I love life. There are so many wonderful things in this world. Sunshine on water, bird calls through my window, the joy of cleaning out clutter, the satisfaction of a good book, the rapture of a gorgeously-shot film, a strong body, hopeful plans. So much to partake.

The Beautiful Life

And I love Jesus. More than ever. More each moment. The last year has been hard and deep. At times almost, almost, too hard and too deep. But He has always been here. And He has made me strong. How? By constantly holding me up. Forever I am grateful, forever I am His.

So that’s where I’ve been.

I’d love to hear where you’ve been lately.

And I can’t wait to see where we’ll go next.

Until then.

E

On the Run

Mountains
“For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” (
New King James Version, James 4:14b)

A rushed life. A hectic life. Busy, dizzy, blaring. Intoxicating, nauseating.

Why do we live such roaring lives? Why fear the quiet, the halt?

Is it because we are running away?

A blank calendar leaves us space to recall we only have so many days. A turned-off screen brings us back to reality where we’re finite and frail.

So tiny in the scheme of things. So little in the light of eternity.

It’s terrifying really. Here we are, fantastically intelligent creatures, housed in magnificently-tuned bodies, plopped in the middle of a glorious planet, swirling in an endless sea of universe.

How can we be so magnificent yet so fragile, our lives ever hanging in the balance?

Distraction shushes our terror.

And yet.

And yet what if there is something better? Something better than this sickening distraction?

What if we are called to fully uncover our weakness- to fill our eyes, fill our souls with the nakedness and the glory of our existence?

Our souls are bare before God. How far we fall from His perfect standard. We are an almost invisible vapor; He is the immortal Matter of all matters. Seeing our bankruptcy on every account causes us to run to Him. He is the deep well we must draw, He is the eternal life we must have. If only we let Him, He takes away our shame; He removes our failings; and He covers us.

We can face our finiteness and our frailty- because He is strong. We can face our weakness- because He is good. And we can face our smallness- because it means we fit in His hand.

No need to run anymore.

 

Under the Covers


Our walk with the Lord looks different in each season. Sometimes it’s an early morning run, praying with each pounding of the pavement; sometimes it’s a journal and coffee date; and sometimes it’s snuggling in bed.

*     *     *     *     *

Just want to snuggle with You under the covers, where thoughts are so clear and Your voice is so loud. If I get up, I know my mind will go racing. I’ll lose the stillness of this moment.

You see, there are¬†dishes to do, a checkbook to balance, and a baby to¬†chase. But here, nestled in my nest of blankets, there’s only You and me.

In the quiet, You heal my heart. Your love washes every hurt, listens to every worry, and breathes new life again.

How good You are to me.

Autumn Fell Like Snow

I had a dream, not so long ago,
And You were in my dream,
As autumn fell like snow.

Leaves swooned among the breeze,
Silent- like a flyer of trapeze.
And there You were,
And there You stood.
You looked at me,
Lovingly-Your eyes gazing upon my soul.

A smile formed on Your lips.
Why?
Only You would know.
A quick breath I stole,
A slow kiss You blew.
My heart skipped a beat,
As nearer You drew.
You reached for me,
I reached for You.

And time stood still.

Amidst the chaos and the clutter,
Amongst the meanders and the mutters,
I heard You breathe:
“Everything you desire, and all for which you seek,¬†is found only in Me. So come away with Me. Be no longer weak, for I am strong and I will lead. So come away, My Love, come away with Me.‚ÄĚ

So come away I came.
And Loved became my name,
For I am His and He is mine.
And now we are but one.

I had a dream, not so long ago,
And You were in my dream,
As autumn fell like snow.